After repeatedly denying that he killed his best friend four years ago, Brad Southwind eventually admitted Wednesday that he had stabbed Joseph Topping.
The 27-year-old man made the admission when he took the witness stand in his own defence during the third week of his first-degree murder trial.
Topping's body was located Feb. 14, 2018, in a wooded marshy area behind the Elliot Lake apartment building where both men resided.
The 31-year-old victim had been stabbed 17 times.
Southwind has pleaded not guilty to the charge.
Jurors heard that he began treatment for paranoid schizophrenia seven years ago.
"I think I had it all my life," he told his lawyer Don Orazietti. "I hear audio hallucinations, voices, all mixed signals and paranoid as well."
He indicated that he was prescribed medications that "somedays I would take, some days I would not,'' adding "sometimes I went off for days or months."
Southwind said he liked drinking whiskey, vodka and beer, and self-prescribed himself street drugs, like meth.
"I was always looking for a good chemical balance," he said, indicating whenever he socialized with Topping drugs and alcohol were involved.
The accused said he recalls "a little bit, here and there," about going into the woods with Topping the night his friend died.
"I remember Joseph saying he was sick. I remember myself being a little off my rocker," Southwind testified.
"I was drinking a little bit, he was doing his own thing. Drugs were there," he said, adding "I was off my medications at the time. I was paranoid."
Southwind said he doesn't know what happened that night. "I can't explain, it's been a long time since Joseph has been gone, it's a bit of a haze."
During cross-examination by prosecutor David Didiodato, he denied killing Topping.
When the Crown suggested the reason he had killed his friend was because Topping wanted to die, Southwind replied "well allegedly, I don't know."
He responded "I agree to disagree" when Didiodato asked if he had stabbed Topping 17 times.
The accused did agree that he had a conversation with Topping that had led him to believe his friend wanted to die.
"You gave him drugs specifically to stop the pain when you were killing him, " Didiodato said.
"I don't want anyone to feel pain. I am that kind of guy," Southwind told the assistant Crown attorney, explaining "I was playing a doctor role, but I wasn't charging him."
He went on to say "I gave him a little bit of this and a little bit of that."
Didiodato suggested when the two men were in Southwind's apartment before going for a walk in the woods the accused had said his farewells to his friend.
Southwind agreed, but denied he had done this because he was going to kill Topping.
He also denied he had taken a black-handled knife from his apartment to kill the man.
"You brought two coins with you. Do you remember that?" the Crown asked.
"No," Southwind said.
"You wanted to leave them on his eyes to assist with passage into the afterlife."
Again, the answer was no.
"You take out the knife and stab Topping," Didiodato said.
"He wanted it. Joseph is not here anymore," Southwind responded.
"That's because you stabbed him," the prosecutor told him.
"Not necessarily. He ceases to exist," the accused said
"That's because you stabbed him 17 times."
When Southwind again replied in the negative, Didiodato then asked how many times he had stabbed his friend.
"I'd say I don't know," he replied, and when Didiodato pushed for an answer he said "I plead the Fifth Amendment."
Superior Court Justice Annalisa Rasaiah, who is presiding at the trial, explained to him that there is no Fifth Amendment (in Canada).
When Didiodato asked if he remembered stabbing Topping, he said no, but then indicated he recalled telling a police officer that he did remember that.
"Because you did stab him, right," the Crown said.
"Yep," the defendant replied.
When asked if Topping was in pain, Southwind said "not really."
He agreed that he knew Topping was dead because his eyes were open and he had stopped moving.
Didiodato then asked if he began to feel remorse.
"Yes but no," he said. "I thought he was in a better place ..... he's no longer with us."
He admitted that he had confided to his grandfather about what had happened.
"I don't think he believed me at first. It's not a joke."